~ ‘Mindfulness’ ~
Rosetta Wilson is a past member of Union Chapel who now lives in Morecombe. Rosetta frequently visits us but just recently she has been in hospital. Below is an edited extract from an article she wrote after attending two courses on ‘mindfulness’ whilst in hospital. Copies of the full article can be
obtained from Enid Welford.
I first came across 'Mindfulness'. while a patient in Ribbleton Hospital. A small notice was posted on a window saying that an 8 week course was to be held for staff and any others interested. I was. It was the word stress which caught my eye. Stress had always been a problem for me, mostly self induced, and a contributing factor in my being in Hospital in the first place. I asked the Psychologist who was running it if I could join the course. Thankfully he said ‘Yes’ for in hindsight I was entering into a new and real change in my thinking about myself and my whole life. It has proved to be an exciting event so much so, that when I heard another course was starting some 6 months after the first had finished, I asked if I could be included in the class. Consequently these notes are spread over 2 classes.
If you ask any class member what they remember about the first meeting they would say ‘The Raisin, because it seemed so pointless’ We were given a raisin. We looked at it, felt it ,smelt it ,listened to and then ate it as slowly as we could, getting all the flavour from it we could- that raisin tasted like no raisin I had ever eaten before!
The rationale behind the raisin exercise became clearer when we looked at the question ‘What is mindfulness?' Mindfulness is when we realise our tendency to act on ‘automatic pilot ‘- i.e. not really being present moment by moment often being miles away, acting automatically rather than through choice. Gobbling a raisin without even knowing I’ve eaten it compared with tasting every morsel is a perfect example This exercise was particularly meaningful for me because I never tasted my food let alone looked at the colour or felt the texture. I had the next forkful in my mouth before I had swallowed the one before. Nowadays I eat far more mindfully and slowly. This has had a knock on effect for me. For years I have been a compulsive binge eater, attending a12 step programme for over 6 years- but I have been free of the compulsive behaviour for about 4 months. I don’t know when I last had such a length in recovery.
‘Goodness did a raisin do all this?’ No! Of course not! It is my whole attitude to life which has changed. I know what I am doing while I’m doing it, in this case eating.
We put all this into practice when we looked first at Breathing and the ‘Body Scan’. Breathing is so easy I thought when I first heard it mentioned. I do it all the time. I was wrong, there is so much more to this breathing .It can be a focus for my attention, an anchor to tie me to the present moment. I did not come to this realisation during the early sessions and practice. It has grown slowly but surely. I enjoyed ‘Body Scan from the start as we breathed into and became aware of each part of the body in turn. We were told to do it each day at home and were guided through it by using a very systematic audio tape. We started with the big toe in the left foot and gradually breathed into each part of the body in turn We finished by breathing in from our toes and out through the top of the head as if there were a great hole there. Finally we put our body back together again and felt it whole and solid. I found the whole exercise wonderfully relaxing, freeing my body from stress and tension. I think that the first time I ever really looked at my body without dislike was in my sessions of Body Scan. At first when I tried to stroke my body gently I could not do it .I did not want to know what my body felt like. As the months have passed I have come to realise that I have a compact and slim small body and that I am reasonably lithe for a woman of almost 72. I have very little pain and can do an amazing number of things. I am no ashamed of my body any more. For years I have thrown away countless jars of body cream because I could not bare to use them - but I will soon have used up a jar of very expensive cream because I pamper myself with it each night!
Mindful Sitting was the second exercise we looked at and it is now my favourite. I do it each day for periods ranging from 20 minutes to 45 minutes as well as attending 2 meditation groups. First I become aware of my breathing and after a period of time I allow my awareness to take in my body sensations - the sensation of my feet on the ground ,my buttocks on the stool, my clothes on my body. I don’t search for sensation by wiggling my toes etc I just feel what ever is there. The next area of awareness is the sounds and silences I don’t search for sounds I just what hear what comes – a child shouting, a dog barking .I don’t assess them in any way. I just allow them to come and go. Finally I become aware of my thoughts as they pass through my mind. This I find the most difficult exercise of all. I find it very difficult to just let thoughts pass through my mind and catch the thought. The thought arises and I follow it. Thus, the dog in the flat up stairs has been barking all day I feel frustrated-I feel angry –I practice what I’ll say-then what they will say but
I dare not complain., I remember that they have been nasty in the past. I’m scared of them. They wont like me .I’m even more angry, even more frustrated. Like most practitioners of mindful sitting I suffer from a wandering mind. No sooner have I started breathing mindfully than my mind goes into freefall. There is no need to chastise myself I simply bring my self back to my breathing again. The mindful sitting practice lasts 45 minutes. At first it felt like an age but now it passes quite quickly and the pain I felt at first in my knees is now no more
Mindful Stretching was our next exercise. My body was not particularly stiff but when I reached up as far as I could with my arm it was bent. Initially I was drawn to this exercise because it is a gentle exercise, strengthening , relaxing, and gave me flexibility. Now my arm is straight so are my legs and I twist with greater ease. If this were all it gave me it would have sufficed but it offers more. I found it mobilised my awareness and attention, anchored me into this very moment. I learnt to dwell in the awareness of my body as I began paying deliberate attention to the stretching and breathing in harmony with the movement. It was in this exercise that I first experienced the feeling of spaciousness and now I am aware of it in all my exercises.
The last formal exercises were the mountain and the lake meditations. At first I enjoyed the peace of them and the seeming simplicity of them. But I was to find that they held much deeper meaning. In these exercises we imagine our selves gazing at the mountain and the lake. , The first we see is the massive great mountain rooted deep in the earth .It has been on this spot seemingly forever, never moving, always there strong and powerful. Changes take place on this mountain, winter snows come, storms rage round it, but then comes spring , grass grows ,flowers bloom yet the mountain itself never changes it is always there. I believe I can be like this mountain, fears and hurts beset me, periods of depression overcome me, but like the weather and the seasons on the mountain these feelings come and pass. I like the mountain can remain strong in the knowledge that this pain is just for this moment. Like the mountain meditation the lake meditation has deeper teaching than its first superficial reading would suggest. The lake lies in its hollow ever placid ever level, a breeze blows, the surface is ruffled but below the surface all is calm. The breeze abates and the surface is placid again. If I throw in a mighty boulder, the disturbance may go deeper but after a short time all is placid again. The lake has much to teach me for I am not a calm, serene person, yet I know that if I give myself time, keep practising the mindfulness exercises this serenity can be mine.
But all this is of little moment if I leave it all on my meditation stool. I have to take mindfulness into my every day life because this is the commitment I made when I started the course.
Rosetta Wilson